"The Right Questions" by Debbie Ford

I know I shared these with you already,  but I want to put them here in case, after all the eye-rolling and and poking fun at your "weirdo hippie mom", you decide they might come in handy.  I love them and have found them a good guide when trying to make more enlightened decisions.

Love,
Mom

The Right Questions

Things to ask yourself when making decisions, big or small.

Adapted from Debbie Ford’s The Right Question

1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
2. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring short-term gratification
3. Am I standing in MY power or am I trying to please someone else?
4. Am I looking for what’s right, or am I looking for what’s wrong? (positives/negatives in every situation)
5. Will this choice add to my life force or will it drain me of my energy?
6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
7. Does this choice empower me or disempower me? 
8. Is this an act of self-love or an act of self-sabotage? (Is this a choice someone who loves themself would make?)
9. Is this an act of faith, or an act of fear?
10.  Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Live like you are going to die young???

I know, Ke$ha is cool and so are all the other musicians out there singing about partying like there is no tomorrow. When I was a kid, we had our anthems too….”Forever Young” by Alphaville and a few others come to mind.  They made a great case for indulging in the moment and sometimes even engaging in a little reckless abandon.  I don’t how many times I said “Carpe Diem” before doing something somewhat stupid. Fortunately, I had some common sense and the times I didn’t, the universe was forgiving and gave me a few opportunities to wise up, opportunities that are never guaranteed.

While these songs are fun to dance to and I do think it is ok, even necessary sometimes to let loose a little, you’ve got to keep it in perspective and keep it in check. The reality is the majority of you and your friends aren’t going to die young—in fact, the majority of you are going to live very long lives. Don’t let yourself get sucked into this flawed mentality and let one night of fun compromise your health, your physical capabilities or even your reputation (Facebook and future employers are watching). People who had a great night but are now stuck in a wheel chair or got pregnant or now have an STD aren’t sitting around saying “Sure I’ve got problems now, but that one night of reckless fun was totally worth it.” Instead, they are sitting around saying, “Wow….how could I have been so stupid?”  Don’t let that be you. At some point “live like you’re going to die young” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy anyway. You've got too bright of a future to throw it away like that!

I do believe you should embrace the present, but that is more about making the most of every second by being happy, seizing opportunities and being grateful, not making spontaneous decisions that will negatively affect your future forever. One night of fun is not worth a lifetime of sorrow. Dance, have fun, be happy and live your life fully, just know what it really means to do that and don’t be careless.

As always,

Love,

Mom

Fear Nothing

Self-esteem often gets blamed for what is actually fear.  So many people refuse to stick their necks out, take risks, and live their lives, etc. because they are scared.  Some are often so scared of being rejected, failing or losing their life that they never really live.

The first big mistake is in thinking you have control over any of it, but you don’t. You cannot predict or control what people are going to do or what forces of nature or man are going to do either.   Don’t be blatantly careless and always take precautions to mitigate risk, but don’t hide from risk−all it means is you are hiding from success and/or life.

The next big mistake is thinking failure is bad.  I have often learned more from my failures than I have from my successes.  Eventually those failures add up to knowledge that in turn will make you successful, so, fail a lot. Failure is a necessary part of what makes a person great.

And the last part of advice is to take small steps. Just because I’m telling you to fear nothing, it doesn’t mean I want you to hit the street running. Until you have acquired enough knowledge, I say take small steps.  Venture out, but venture out comfortably.  Once you better understand the environment you want to grow into, speed up.  When you’re ready, run− and run like mad.

Love,

Mom

Tape Up, It’s Rough Out There

Let’s just get this out up front: I prefer peace, but sometimes, achieving peace requires a good right hook.

I’d like to say everyone in life will be nice, fair and moral.  And while most people will try, there are those few that will be jerks and continually interfere with your peace of mind.  Some parents might suggest you wuss out, wait it out or just avoid the situation altogether.  In contrast, having learned the hard way, I will always tell you to stand up for yourself and not let low-functioning people have a say in your happiness.  I think a passive approach leads to resentment, passive aggression, manipulation, etc. that just perpetuates the problem, whereas facing things head on puts everything on the table and gets it over with faster.  You may never agree with the other person, but you'll show them you’re a force to be reckoned with and if they’re looking for a victim, they better look somewhere else.

I hope your life is easier than mine- I hope that people are better to you and just do what is right, but if they don’t, I want you to know what to do.  Be peaceful, be empathetic and see all sides, but if someone is taking advantage of you, harassing you or stealing your joy, you may have to tape up, get your "feisty" on and take a few swings to protect yourself. Do what it takes to reclaim your personal power….just be smart about it.

Finally, because I know your attention span is waning, I want to make sure you understand I mean all this figuratively, not literally. No punching people in the face or the back of the head, etc., and certainly no punching each other—that’ll just get you grounded.

Love,

Mom

Follow Your Own Rules

Dearest Daughters,

As Buddha supposedly said*:“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

Yes, that statement is more than just our family refrigerator magnet J −it’s a very important truth.  As you’ll discover, much of our culture and our world is dictated by a set of conventions and flawed systems. People do many things because that’s the way they’ve always been done- but that doesn’t mean it's the right way of doing things.  Remember, not too long ago slavery was an accepted practice and women couldn’t vote. Always ask questions and don’t ever do something simply because that’s the way people do it.  Follow your own rules. Do something because you believe in it and it in fact “agrees with your own reason and your own common sense”. This goes for everything, school, politics, religion, relationships, personal traits and more.

School

In school, be an active learner and when something doesn’t make sense, ask about it.   No teacher knows everything (well, except for me J) and many times they are pushing their own agenda-  trying to use the captive young minds they have in front of them to perpetuate their own ideals. Be aware of this and don’t get caught up in anything but the facts.  

Politics/Government

Politics and politicians have earned their horrible reputations consistently over the years for good reason.  They are puppets of corporate enterprise.  To put it simply, their votes are very often based on what will get them the most money, not what is always right for their territory/country.  Don’t believe something is “so” simply because they say it is “so”.  Politicians definitely have an agenda. There are always exceptions though and when you do come across a rare jewel of a politician, one that is in politics because they want to make a difference and represent common values, support them.  Don’t get dazzled by a charismatic fancy puppet, don’t get tricked by smoke and mirrors, vote for someone because they are authentic and share similar ideals.

When it comes to voting for laws, don’t get on the band-wagon in anyone else’s parade. Think through initiatives, consider the short and long term potential and know that some laws are like wolves in sheep’s clothing- they look like one thing but are another. Don’t be fooled.  Know for sure what you are voting for and vote based on what feels right to you.

We have it pretty good here in the US,  but don't think it comes without it's flaws. There are many systems in place that worked once but really need re-constructed to serve people and society as it has evolved.  Things are changing here as they are all around the world with a new global economy and culture. Unification is good,  but with change there will be growing pains. While it may seem like things are stable,  it is more of an illusion than you'll ever know. There has never been a more important time to ask questions and be a positive part of what happens in your world. Question the systems and philosphies in existence and be a part of what will make them better,  for yourself and the world around you.

Religion

No matter what religious affiliation you choose (or none), don’t assume just because someone is religious that they are righteous. No one is perfect; no one knows everything and some people because of various psychological disorders (i.e. narcissism) gravitate towards religion and taking advantage of others both intentionally and unintentionally. No matter what religion you go to should be based in love of god/universe, yourself and others.  If any of these things come at the cost of another in your chosen religion, it is not a good or pure religion. If it asks you to question your own value and goodness just for being you (and you are amazing!), it is wrong.  If it asks you to exclude others or not truly love others equally, it is wrong. There are all sorts of manifestations of these flaws: guilt, self-doubt, prejudices, intolerance, elitism, etc. that you need to watch for. If something doesn’t feel right, believe in the light and beauty inside of yourself and ask questions. God (or whoever) won’t strike you down for being intelligent, for asking questions and looking out for yourself or others. That wouldn’t make any sense whatsoever.

Relationships

There are so many books and philosophies on relationships with family, friends, love interests, etc. I have written several articles myself on many of these topics. Use them as a form of guidance, but don’t believe everything you read. There may be some truth in these books and articles and blogs, but every situation is different and there are no “one-size-fits-all” solutions to anything. When it comes to your future love interests/spouse don’t listen to your friends when there are challenges (and there will be challenges), listen to reason and what things you need to be happy. When searching for answers to any interpersonal relationships, don’t be hasty, think problems through and make decisions/form opinions based on love, honesty and most importantly, what feels right to you.

Emotions/Personal Traits

Despite my great genes, you aren’t perfect, I’m not perfect, nor are the other important influences in your life. As a result, you’ve no doubt picked up a bit of bad programming.  First, I’M SORRY!!!! Second, that means you have good reason to question yourself from time to time. Questioning yourself doesn’t mean you’re less wonderful, it just means you are learning and learning is AWESOME. Evaluate yourself from time to time- that’s how you grow!

Additionally, while you should follow your gut, that doesn’t mean you should follow your emotions…, they are two different things.  Anger, frustration, resentment, happiness, love, jealousy etc. are emotions and they definitely tend to interfere with reason.  Feel things, but don’t let emotions rule your decisions. Let your emotions run their course and then think logically about the situations that come up in your life and make decisions based on what is right.  I know that’s not very romantic or exciting, but it will save you so much pain, heartache and regret. 

You could have basically gotten the gist of this whole lesson from the quote, so if you’ve read this far, all I have to say is “Sucker!!!!”J Just kidding. Nice work for sticking it out to the long end.

Love you so much!

MOM

*There is some controversy on whether Buddha said this or that it is an adaption of another quote of his, but I believe it holds the essence of what he was trying to say regardless.

Make Things Happen

Dear Daughters,

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those that wait for things to happen and those that make things happen.  Which one are you?

Your life will be filled with people that should make things happen and won't.  They will be friends, co-workers, bosses, religious leaders, community members, teachers, etc., and although they are those often tasked with getting things done,  the majority of them won't. Many of them will feel inadequate to get the job done, some will be lazy,  others will lack passion, or they may just be overwhelmed with life. And,  no matter how important it is and no matter how passionately you try to inspire them,  they may lack the vision or the drive to do whatever is asked of them.  This will be a source of constant frustration as you try to do the most basic things. Unfortunately,  you cannot force people to be engaged in their own lives or the world around them.

If you really want something done,  it is up to you to make it happen. You must start the process,  take the steps necessary to make sure it is accomplished and then follow it through to the end. It may be a lot of work,  but sometimes people will surprise you and pitch in-  don't expect it,  but be pleasantly surprised when they do.  It is your job to take care of it from start to finish.

I know this sounds hard and annoying.  Wouldn't it be easier to just wait for people to do what is right? You could do that,  but then you would be waiting for life to happen to you instead of defining how you want it to be. The other risk of waiting for others to do things is that you are waiting for other people to determine how things are done and they may not always do them as well as you will.  Of course,  the other side of that is that perhaps others have certain skills that give them the ability to do things better.  For that reason,  before starting something, it is always good to exercise some patience before stepping up to the plate.Wait long enough for the scenerio to reveal itself. When it is apparent you are the only one who is capable and willing to do it, then step up and drive it home.

Love,
Mom